Parenthood Changed Us

I got asked by a friend the other day how my marriage has changed since having kids. My first thought in EVERY SINGLE WAY POSSIBLE!!! I dug a little deeper in my overwhelmed mind and decided that parenting is definitely riddled with struggles as I remembered those peaceful three and a half years that I got my husband to myself before our first son came along.

Being married has been the most amazing adventure. We are well into our fourteenth year of marriage and having four kids in that time has thrown us many surprises…literally two of those kids were surprises. FUN!! We get to share each day with these four little creatures that are like us, and not like us. They are funny and smart and creative and so exhausting. They have wants and needs and tears and personalities that are unique and need tending to. So much of my day as a SAHM is troubleshooting. Not that there are always issues…but their kind of are. Someone isn’t sharing, a kid at school called my son a bad name, my daughter isn’t getting along with a friend and apparently having children with meltdowns is just the name of the game sometimes. The days are full of lessons.

Before kids our days were full of work and our nights were always date nights. I remember my mom calling on a weeknight years ago asking what we were up to. I told her we were on a date eating sushi. She laughed and said when it’s only the two of us, every night is a date…we are trying to get back to that. We have become more intentional when it comes to us, he and I, the O.G. members of this family. Time has to be set aside where we can be together. Our oldest is 11. Unfortunately for him, his mom is tapped out at the end of the day, aka 8pm, Pacific Standard Time. He gets the same bedtime as his siblings, minus the baby. He can read, draw or make lego creations in his room, but my kids know that once the clock strikes 8, on weekdays, it’s time to scram. My husband and I get to watch our shows on the couch, shows that aren’t animated and wouldn’t appeal to them anyways. This makes every night date night, and when you have busy schedules this is important. We do make an effort to go on real dates away from home at least twice a month. We love our time together even if it isn’t as easy and cheap as it was before children.

So back to that question that my friend asked…having kids has changed my marriage because I have learned to not take the time with my husband for granted. It is precious, he is my partner in this insane thing called family. When we go on dates, there is no arguing. We say please and thank you and don’t try to talk over each other. We get dressed up and I even put on perfume…at this rate the bottle that my sister bought me last Christmas should last until 2025. I’m a little clumsy and I do occasionally spill my water all over the table…but these little accidents remind us of our adorable precious children that make us so proud to come home to.

How has becoming a mom changed your marriage?