Out of our League

So all the stressful stuff is out of the way. Right?! I tracked down my forever guy, sealed the deal with a ring and a ceremony and we’ve figured out how to coexist in this crazy life. Our families like each other and socialize at important functions. We figured out that we both love the color grey and our house reflects it. Possible kids’ names were agreed upon. Baby rooms were decorated and yep, we thought we were ready to parent. We were so naïve.

Night #2 of being parents was one for the books. Yeah, that first night was great. Call me crazy but I love hospital food. Professionals were there to continually check on our son and bring ice water and push me down the halls in a wheelchair. But that second night, whew, it is one of my favorite memories. My recollection is not clouded by the euphoria of what we just went through, but made special by the rawness of the moment. We were overwhelmed, literally. We had no freaking clue what we were doing. I could change a diaper like a seasoned pro and I had researched every mom topic from A-Z. We took that little discharge class at the hospital that helped check a box on our forms saying we were informed, in a positive state of mind and that we understood basic childcare. In reality we were unprepared. No way around it, nothing to be ashamed about. I mean it got real, very quickly that second night. Alone, the three of us. No professionals, just us rookies. Things started to happen that we couldn’t control. Nothing critical…just things. Endless crying, things expelling from my body at alarming rates and my lower half looked like something that could’ve been in a horror film. We were tired and stressed and out-of-our-league.

I see now that much of parenthood feels that way. Out-of-our-league at every turn. Most of our day runs like a well-oiled machine. We wake before our alarm sounds. Breakfast, clothes, teeth, hugs, kisses, reminders, backpacks, snacks, sports equipment…our kids know the drill. It’s when I feel like I have done everything in my power to prepare for the day ahead and things don’t go as planned that I feel the weight. I wonder once again like all those years ago with our first born…am I in too deep? But there in the crazy and uncertain times I realize that we are all learning together. I don’t have all the answers in life and parenting is no exception. We can choose different methods, we have different personalities, strengths and weaknesses. As “together” or “in control” that you imagine another mom to be…take heart, she is right there with you in the trenches doing her best to parent. This job that we have is hard. It is envied by many and perfected by none. Choose to do your best each day and let that be enough.

We can be out-of-our-league together.