It's ALL Crap!

It was one of those mindless turns in the night where I flipped from my back to my stomach to try and find a more comfortable sleep position. Our baby was snuggled nearby and I didn’t want to make much noise for fear of waking the beast…I mean, the little angel. I found my new comfortable spot, wiggled until the blankets adjusted to me just right and swiped my hand under my pillow. Ahhhhh! Rest. Wait, no Uggghhhhh! What in the world is that?!

There was some unidentifiable object pressed between my fluffy down pillow and the mattress. The tiredness that I hoped for was unfortunately wearing off as I curved my fingers around this thing with no name. My eyes kinda blinked awake as I tried to place what I was holding. I grabbed and squished and still, wondered. It didn’t help to look at it because our room was pitch black as it was some dark hour in the middle of the night. I was reluctant to get out from under my warm bedding, but also peaked with curiosity, now. As I walked towards the light switch I continued to try and place this item. It felt like play dough. It gave a little when I squished it and it didn’t leave a film behind on my palm. But it didn’t smell like play dough. It didn’t really smell like much of anything. I still had no idea.

I reached the light switch, flipped it on and stared at this little mass in my hand. Still I was bewildered. What is it I wondered? It was greyish, clay-like, didn’t have much smell and I had been sleeping over top this thing. I tried to imagine what my kids had been playing with in my bed when suddenly I had a memory from the night before which made me say a few loud and seemingly appropriate words, I woke my husband up to tell him about it (he wasn’t really amused, he too was sleep deprived and in a daze), opened our sliding door and chucked it out onto the lawn before furiously scrubbing my hands with antibacterial soap and hot water and immediately walked my pillow to the laundry room.

So, what happened the night prior to this little mystery? I bet you’d like to know. Well the night before our little-sweet-pumpkin-baby was snuggling with us. I woke up in the middle of the night to change him because I thought I smelled poop and the velcro-like straps on the diaper seemed to be loosening. I was exhausted, as parents with babies are, and turned on a dim light to find a diaper and wipes without waking the baby too much. I made my way back to him and was prepared to change a dirty diaper…but it wasn’t dirty how I’d imagined, only a little wet. Hmmm? That’s interesting. It kinda smelled like poo but there wasn’t any. I stared at the diaper for a few seconds, changed him, threw out the old diaper and went back to bed.

That thing, the grey-ish, clay-ish thing under my pillow I realized was the poop that had slipped out of my son’s diaper the night before. I had never seen one with that consistency it was almost if he had been chewing on sticks of chalk while I wasn’t looking. So weird and gross. It somehow was dislodged from his diaper and stashed under my feathery pillow, where it stayed, marinating just for me to find in 36 hours. SO FANTASTIC.

Such special treats these little kids leave us. I mean I’ve heard of the tooth fairy but this was like the poop fairy left me a little surprise; probably more like a poop gnome. It was the first gift from my son and I will treasure the hilarious memory of it forever.

Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up. Once you have kids, be ready! Well, one can never be ready to find day old poo under a pillow, but stuff like this happens with kids. I don’t know how, but bizarre stuff finds a way into your life with a family. Our kids keep us on our toes and laughing and I think they are some of the coolest people ever, even when they leave me unwanted surprises.

What is the most bizarre thing that has happened to you after kids?