Let Your Husband Lead

Men are different.  They are opposite from women in most every way.  We may share the same interests or goals but the way we go about achieving those is very different.  Men stereotypically say less words in a day than women.  They aren’t usually as emotional as us, my husband never cries.  He is strong, handsome, intelligent, funny and can get on my nerves faster than anyone.  I freakin’ love him.  Sometimes I do hate how different we are when it comes to life.  

 

We look different.  He has olive skin, almost black hair, beautiful hazel eyes and precious dimples that make me melt.  I am fair, with blonde hair, brown eyes and I wish I had dimples like his.  We do SO MANY THINGS differently.  Sometimes its charming, sometimes it’s frustrating.  We have been together for more than 15 years.  We can’t even shop alike.  If he goes grocery shopping he comes home proud.  He puts his bags on the counter and is so glad that he has healthy snacks for his workdays and breakfast foods that he will actually eat.  I look at those grocery items being arranged in our fridge and my eyes gloss over as I stare at them wondering how he actually expects me to make a meal out of cheese slices, orange juice, bananas, eggs, Tabasco and avocados. LOL. We haven’t figured out shopping after all these years. When I go shopping I get things like turkey, chicken, flour, vanilla extract, cheese that isn’t already sliced or grated, and a few healthy snacks for the kid’s backpacks.  We both agree on a budget and we try to get the most items for the best deal and we always compare our grocery haul, each of us thinking that we are the superior shopper.  

 

We have different views on parenting sometimes.  I am very patient, I would say…but he doesn’t always agree.  I get tired of saying the same words to my kids day after day, so excuse me if I’m not speaking reminders for the thousandth time with a smile.  It’s easier for him to be the fun dad because he is away from the kids more often.  He works hard and when he comes home a lot of the tedious stuff is over.  When he does hear the relentless bickering from the kids, sees the messes they make and the ways they show their crazy sides he gets frustrated too, and it’s a whole lot quicker than I do.  

 

I love my husband.  Although it is frustrating sometimes because we don’t always see eye to eye, I am in awe of how our differences work together in our relationship to make us stronger, more empathetic and a really great set of parents for our four kids.  We love differently, spend money differently and we react to stress differently.  My husband gets frantic when there is an emergency with one of the kids.  He is getting better over the years, but I sometimes have to tune him out…his questions and comments were like system overload, and I would do my best to ignore him while tending to the kids in years past.  Stressing himself out when we had kid-issues to deal with was not unusual.  I would always over compensate my zen facade so that I could be as rational as possible.  I was nervous on the inside but putting on a brave face whenever emergencies happened.  As soon as we were “through the storm” so to speak we would do a flip-flop.   

One of our kids was carrying a succulent in a glass jar on our patio when she tripped a few years back.  The glass fell to the concrete and shattered just milliseconds before she fell on top of the mess getting a huge chunk lodged in her forearm.  I was outside with her just beyond reach so I got to her quickly, grabbed the chunk out of her arm and clamped my hand down firmly on her wound to hold the skin together as we rushed inside and then off to the hospital for stitches.  My husband drove while I sat in the backseat with her, not removing my hands or the towel for a second.  He was stressed, I was dealing.  After the stitches we returned home with a patched up little girl.  My husband was calm and breathing easy once night fell.  I went off to bed and he ended up coming into our room to kiss me about 30 minutes after I had disappeared.  He found me sitting in bed quietly crying.  I remember him holding me and being confused as to why I was crying now.  “She’s ok,” he said.  “Don’t cry, its not that bad and she’s going to heal soon,” he said.  “It could have been worse, it was so close to her wrist,” I cried.  I deal with stress when the danger is over.  I think it’s more of a decompression time for me.  The emotions that I’ve been keeping in check just need a chance to vent.

 

It use to bug me that we are so different.  How can two people who are madly in love be so far off when it comes to certain issues? Now I see our differences as a broad list of traits that will be used to shape our children.  How horrible if we both stressed in the same ways at the same times!! Our kids would have two parents with one perspective on life and one way of solving issues.  I’m so thankful that this isn’t the case.  I’m glad that my husband and I split the difference for each other.  When I am weak, he is strong.  When he is worried, I am composed.  When I am confused, he finds a solution.  When he is impatient, I am full of perspective.  

 

Marriage is difficult sometimes.  Living and loving and coexisting is tough when one spouse is so different from the other. Throw a family with wild accident-prone kids into the mix and good luck staying on the same page.  Sometimes I think that my way is better.  I am with the kids most of the day and I know their wants, what their teacher needs for their upcoming class project, how they performed in school each day and the struggles they are having with friends and each other at home.  Because I am with them more often I make the bulk of the decisions and punishments.  It use to bother me when my husband would come home and try and right the wrongs of the day in 5 minutes when I was the one dealing with chaos for hours. Now I see that we are a team.  We parent differently and that benefits our kids.  His differences benefit me and mine, him.  We give each other new perspectives and guide in different ways.  Although, I don’t always think we do things correctly, I know that we are the best parents for our kids.  

 

10 Ways That My Husband Is a Better Parent Than Me

 

1.  He knows how to motivate our boys and guide them to become strong men.

2.  He speaks more gently than I do to our girls, sometimes.

3.  He uses laughter to avoid meltdowns.

4.  He is a better coach when encouraging the kids to improve with sports.

5.  He doesn’t give as many chances as I do, and can resolve issues faster.

6.  He plays with the kids; wrestling, video games, tickle fights, they love it.

7.  He has patience for their stories and belly laughs at the things they say.  

8.  His hand is firm and his love is big.

9.  He still calls our oldest daughter “baby” when she is hurt or sad.

10. He is strong enough to let them crawl up his chest and do a front somersault back to the carpet.      Hard to explain, but I can’t do it, and the kids love it.

 

Let your husband lead.  His ideas will likely be different than yours.  They may not seem like the best and brightest ideas sometimes, but he has a unique relationship with his children…so let him lead.  Let those kids see him as the wisest, strongest and funniest man alive.  Build him up in their eyes and let him parent along side you. Learn to be a team and to grow your family together. Support your husband as he learns to be the best man, spouse and father that he can be.  Together you will be the best parents for your children.