Make Her Believe Her Worth
I am baffled. Who is to blame, I honestly don’t know?! I’m so confused by the whole thing that I don’t even know if anyone is to blame. Can we point the finger at any one individual or at a collective bunch? Is it the media, mean girls, our mom who pointed out her faults and now they have manifested themselves into our own lives, our own hips, our own love-handles, our own wrinkles? Who tells us that we aren’t good enough, or pretty enough or flat out just enough that we believe it? Seriously?! Who, because I want to punch them in the face!!
Women have issues. To be honest and frank…so do men. We not only want to be successful or beautiful…which in the past one or the other was quite adequate. Now we want the whole enchilada. Is that our fault? Um, maybe. Of course everyone wants to be beautiful, popular, intelligent, respected and well-off. But us wanting everything and trying desperately to measure our worth by EVERYTHING has brought us down. Our self-worth, self-esteem, and also a little self-loathing are fighting for rights to our heart.
Understanding what is at the heart of the “ugly” is the first step to becoming “beautiful.” So for realz…who made you feel ugly, undesirable, dumb, less-than?
That person or thing or group of people or entity may have had a hand in your lack of self-worth. But did you throw in the towel with their opinion? Honestly, I’m asking if their opinion of you swayed YOUR opinion of YOU??
Holy Crap, girls! Where along the lines did we forget to know ourselves?
When I was in junior high I had a home economics class. One semester, I baked lemon poppy seed bread that was a combination of vibrant citrus with sweet fluffiness and beautiful sprinkles of seeded bliss folded in. The following two semesters I sewed some hideous boxer shorts and a scrunchy for a high pony tail, both out of the same burgundy cotton fabric with tiny white daisies on it. The shorts didn’t fit correctly, one leg was a little baggier than the other and the elastic waistband didn’t have beautiful stitching but heck, yeah, I freaking made my own ugly clothes in that class!! SWEET! I learned how to fill out a check, endorse it, and how to balance a checkbook. Schools don’t offer these types of courses like they use to. I mean, check writing isn’t even as common as it was 20 years ago and in another 20 years it may be obsolete, but these were positive and useful skills to learn to say the very least.
Self -worth! I wish we could teach this in school. Honestly, self esteem would benefit our educational system, our economy, our families, husbands, wives, kids more than any other possible skill we could ever learn. Do you have any idea how fewer problems our teenagers would have if they understood that their worth wasn’t measured by the way others saw them, by how many people they dated or slept with? If we knew that we were filled to the brim with unmeasured success and untapped potential we would spend the rest of our lives trying to test ourselves to reach it.
Creating Dialogue…Before The Conversation
If there was any one thing that I wish we could teach our girls, all children in general, it would be to get to know themselves so, so well. I would encourage you to teach kids to dialogue with themselves and formulate answers to questions that they had never even been asked yet…
Do you want a hit of this joint…no.
Do you want to come to my bedroom…no.
My parent’s are outta town, wanna come over…naw.
You only had one beer, can you drive?…nope.
You won’t get pregnant…I know because sex is not happening.
It may sound dumb but coming up with what you will say and not only how you will react but how you will set yourself up for success is one of the easiest ways to show love to yourself. It takes the stress and questioning out of a would-be-stressful situation to already have formulated a plan when you get there.
And you know the cool thing? You don’t have to be in junior high for this to work for you!
Can I give you a piece of advice, single women, high schoolers or college ladies reading this…don’t spend your days waiting on the man of your dreams.
Become the woman of your dreams.
Who do you want to be?
Really, this isn’t kindergarten where your teacher sits you down on a circular rug and you go around talking about being a teacher or a cop or a pediatrician. This is me, this is you. Who do you want to be?
You can say a doctor, ahhhmmazzzing!
Hair dresser, awesome, I need you in my life.
A Mom, woohoo, high five!
But you know what? You can choose any of those professions and be just as empty and insecure as ever if you don’t figure out WHO you are and WHO you want to become.
So who the heck are you? How would you identify yourself? I’m not talking gender or sexual orientation…who are you!?
Can you say…
I am Christian I am strong I am Jewish
I am insecure I am from a broken home I am surrounded by love
I am confident I feel alone I am prideful
I am ugly I have overcome I am broken
I am beautiful I am mending I love
I am a genius I compare myself to others I am lost
I am a star athlete I am an encouragement I need encouragement
So whether you are 8yrs old or 80 there are certain truths to who you are. Certain things: your ethnic background, religious origin, upbringing…these things shape us. Tragedies shape us. Having divorced parents shapes us. Rape, disease, death…those terrible things shape us.
So only you truly know where you have been. You know what others expect of you. You know the disappointments of your past and the mistakes that your parents have made.
Let’s move on to the most wonderful part of this post…
Who do you want to be?
So using the doctor, hairdresser and mom analogies from before you can be one or more of those things. But even as successful as you can be by going to school and working towards your dreams…you can still feel lost.
I know SO. MANY. WOMEN. I’ve never known this many women on a personal level any other time in my life. I am inspired and shocked and encouraged and saddened by the things that happen to these women and by the things they are working through. Just because you are BIG, I don’t mean overweight…(I have kids so we deal with adjectives like big and little) but just because a woman is big and grown doesn’t mean she is confident. Just because a woman has come out of the acne stage, or has married a wonderful man, or has healthy kids, or has her dream job…those things, unfortunately for our childhood ideals of success, don’t bring joy.
Joy comes from within.
Joy comes from God.
Joy comes from not being affected by your circumstance but by being more than it.
Whoa. Powerful stuff.
Joy is knowing your worth and not settling for less than that.
For some of us this will be a struggle. Those of us that have listened to the lies and let the pain take root. We will have to work to rebuild our self-esteem.
But for the young ones, the pre-adolesent, the teenager, the girl who has yet to have her heart broken…please share this with her. Tell her she is beautiful, tell her she is talented, kind, loving.
Whatever it takes,
tell her often that she is loved,
that she is enough,
because…eventually she will believe it,
she will expect to be treated like it,
she will accept nothing less.